Getting a girl to like you when she has a boyfriend is
probably leading you into some pretty dangerous territory. And, if she's really
in love with her boyfriend or if he happens to be one of your best friends,
then it may not be a good idea. But, if you feel a close connection with her
and think that she'll be happier together than she is in her current situation,
then who's going to stop you from fighting for her? All's fair in love and war,
right? If you want to know how to get the girl of your dreams and make her
forget her other love interest, do what you have to.
1.
See if she's happy in her current relationship. Let's face it.
You probably won't be winning the girl over if she's head-over-heels in love
with her current boyfriend. If the two of them are just so happy together that
it makes you gag, then it'll be hard to find your opening. But if you find her
looking or acting unhappy or unsure in her current relationship…that's when you
can start to make your move. Without acting like you're paying too much, try to
get a sense of how the girl is really feeling about her relationship to know if
you should move forward.
- If you hang out with her and her boyfriend, see how they are together. Does she seem bored, not that interested, sad, or the opposite -- like she's trying too hard to look happy? Of course, it's hard to really get a sense of a relationship from the outside, but if you carefully observe them together, you may get a clue.
- If you know she has a boyfriend, see if she'll mention him around you. Give her an opening by saying, "What are you up to this weekend?" or asking something seemingly innocent about her day. If the girl is not into you or is trying to ward you off, then she will definitely mention the boyfriend so you don't get the wrong idea. But if you hang out for a while or have a long conversation, and her significant other never comes up, you may start to wonder how happy she really is...
2.
Talk to her about her boyfriend. Give her an opening. If you do learn
that she has a boyfriend, try to get her to open up about it without creeping
her out. The worst thing you can do is try to bad mouth her boyfriend, say he's
a loser, or just talk about how much better you are than him. Remember that
subtlety is key -- you want her to figure out what an amazing guy you are all
on her own. So, instead, casually giver her opportunities to talk about him, and
see if she begins to complain about him on her own. Here are some innocent
questions you can ask or things you can say:
- "Wow, three years is a long time to be with one person. You must really like each other."
- "It must be nice to spend so much time with your boyfriend."
- "It's cool that you and your boyfriend don't hang out all the time."
- "Being in a relationship must be pretty comforting…"
3. Make
sure she likes you -- at least a little bit. This is key if you want to make your move. If the girl just
isn't all that interested in you, then you won't have a chance to really get
her to see you as boyfriend material. You have to look for the clues and hints
that let you see that she really does like you and think of you as more than a friend.
If she just looks at you as a friend and confidant, then you're in trouble
(more on that later). Here are some signs that she really does like you as more
than a friend:
- She goes out of her way to talk to you, even making excuses to do it
- She stays online for a while on Facebook or chat when she knows you'll be on, as if she's waiting for you to message her
- Her face lights up when she sees you
- She starts opening up to you, revealing personal information
- She compliments you a lot, maybe even telling you what a great guy you are
- She starts to reveal that she's not happy in her relationship
- She flirts with you by laughing, being playful, and teasing you
4. Avoid
the Friend Zone like the plague.
You may think you have the girl wrapped around your little finger, when she
says something like, "It's so great to have such an amazing friend like
you." If you hear this -- run away as fast as you can! Once you've gotten
in the Friend Zone, it's pretty hard to get out of there. Make sure that she
sees you as a potential romantic partner, not as one of her BFFs. Here are some
signs that you may be in the Friend Zone:
- See if she treats you like a brother instead of as a romantic prospect. If she's too comfortable around you, belching, not caring about what she's wearing at all, making kind of gross comments, and generally getting all buddy-buddy, then you may be in trouble.
- If she does talk to you about her boyfriend, see how she does it. If it's in the tone of, "I'm not happy with my boyfriend, and I like you so much better…" then, cool. But if it's more like, "Will you be my BFF/sounding board/surrogate mother as I complain about this guy I'm going to inevitably marry?" then, not so good. Either way, doesn’t let her complain about her boyfriend to you too much, or she may really be taking advantage of you as just a friend.
5. Make
sure she's worth it. Of
course, you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt, assuming you're a
good judge of character who knows that this girl is different from the rest and
that she's really worth fighting for. But just in case you're getting a little
too close to have a good sense of the situation, you should know which types of
girls with boyfriends are poison and are to be avoided at all costs. You want
this to go somewhere, right? If so, then here are some gals you may want to
steer clear of, no matter how cute they are:
- The girl who is just using you to make her boyfriend jealous.
- The girl who loves to flirt with you. If she's been flirting with you for months and it hasn't gone anywhere, then it probably won't go anywhere.
- The girl who wants a new BFF. Maybe she's sick of all her female friends and needs a new buddy. Watch out if it's you.
- The girl who lets you wine and dine her and then goes home to her boyfriend. Don't waste too much time or money on her if she's not actually going to leave the man who should be taking her out.
6. Treat
her with respect. If you want to get the girl to like you, then you can't hit
on her, touch her, or be disrespectful to her. After all, she officially has a
boyfriend, right? She wants to be with a guy who takes her and her relationship
seriously, not someone who is careless about crossing boundaries. Let her see
what a gentleman and a nice guy you are, without seeming too nice, like someone
she can walk all over. Basically, if you make her like you by being kind and
caring toward her without hitting on her, she'll start falling for you.
- She may think, "So many guys hit on me while knowing I have a boyfriend. It's so cool how different he is…"
- Again, this doesn't mean you should get into the Friend Zone. It does mean that you should let her see that you like spending time with her and care about who she is, not about stealing a kiss.
7. Let her
make the calls.
Leave just enough hints that you like her and wait for her to take the bait.
Sure, you can invite her to a party or a group thing, but it will be even
better if you give her time to ask you to hang out or to spend time
together. If she takes the initiative, then you'll have a better sense that she
really does like you and wants to get out of her current relationship.
- Casually mention a movie or a band that's playing soon. See if she asks you to go.
- If you have class together, you can talk about it and get her to mention that she wants a study buddy.
- Maybe you're both walking out of the same place together. If you mention that you're hungry or could use some caffeine, she may ask you to grab something with her.
8. Spend
more time together. Soon, you'll start hanging out together a bit more, and you
should make the most of that time. Let her see how funny, charming, chill, and
all-around great you are. This doesn't mean you should hide your true self, but
it does mean that you should put your best foot forward. Let her see that
you're someone who treats her right and someone she really clicks with. Bonus
points if you find yourself doing something she really loves.
- Try to get some alone time with her without being too forward. This is the best way for her to see what it would be like if you were really dating.
9. Show
her you're interested. When the
time is right, let her see that you do like her as more than a friend. You
don't have to come out and say that you're falling for her, but you should make
it clear that you have at least some romantic intentions. You can let her know
this through simple compliments, or through your actions. Here are some ways
you can get the message across:
- Give her meaningful compliments. Say something like, "I've never met a girl like you before," or "It's just so easy to talk to you. I can talk to you for hours." Let her know that she really stands out to you.
- Be thoughtful around her. Bring her a cup of coffee when she needs one. Text she to check in to see how her math tests went. Let her know that you're thinking about her -- without coming on too strong.
10. be
refreshing.
Find a way to make things new and exciting when you're together. Doesn’t just
be the sounding board for all of her complaints about her boyfriend. Instead,
do something fun and spontaneous. Start singing in the middle of a conversation
to make her laugh. Act like a goofball if a kid starts trying to play with you
at a park. Show that you don't take yourself too seriously and she'll be
falling for you.
- If she's in a bad relationship, then she's probably tired of the tears, the doubts, the crying. She wants something fun, easy, and lighthearted. Don't get into serious talks about "the status of your relationship" before you're in one!
- When she's upset, try to make her laugh. She may not want hours of soul-searching conversation with you, just yet.
11. Make her feel special.
If she's not happy in her current relationship, then chances are it's because
she doesn't doesn't feel that loved and appreciated anymore. That's where you
come in, showing her that she really is special and that everything about her
stands out to you. Make comments or give her compliments that make it clear
that she's one of a kind (without freaking her out, of course). Here are some
things you can say:
- "I've never met a girl who is as confident as you are."
- "You're so good at talking to new people. How do you do that?"
- "I feel like I can talk to you about nothing for hours. That's a real skill."
- "I always feel so happy when I'm around you."
12. Don’t
rush it. You did it! You made a girl who has
a boyfriend fall for you. Now she broke up with her boyfriend, and the two of
you can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that may not be exactly how it
pans out. After she ends her relationship, she will probably be very upset and
may need some space, no matter how bad it was.
- You may feel like you waited for this so long that all you want to do is to spend time with her, but if you want it to last, then you have to respect her privacy and give her the distance she needs.
- She may claim she doesn't need any space and will want to spend 24/7 with you, but you can't let this happen. You don't want her just moving from one guy to the next without processing what happened.
13. Wait for her to mention the boyfriend. Sure, you may be curious about what happened during the breakup or what her boyfriend is up to, but in the end, it's not really your business. She may not be ready to talk about what happened, and if it was a long relationship, it could take months, or even a year or more, for her to really open up to you about the relationship. She may have feelings of guilt, confusion, or sadness about it, and may really just not want to talk about it. Don't push it by bringing it up.
- You may be dying of curiosity to know how it ended and how everything was between her and her boyfriend, but you have to focus on your own relationship instead of getting sidetracked.
14. Work
on building a future, not obsessing over the past. Though it may feel artificial, at first, you should stop
talking about how you got together, how you courted her while she had a
boyfriend, and how unhappy she was in her past relationship. Instead, work on
talking about how you're doing today, and all of the fun things that lie ahead
for you. The past will come up naturally from time to time, but if you obsess
over it, then you won't be able to move forward.
- Don't get jealous or paranoid, wondering if she's talking to other guys, either. This just won't work for you (unless you have real reasons to care, of course).
Work on
living in the present and planning ahead when you need to, not rehashing what
happ
15. Get a
fresh start together. Find things that you and the girl like to do together that
are completely different from anything either of you have done before. Maybe
you both get really into hiking. Maybe you're determined to try every sushi
restaurant in the city. Maybe you start your own book club or get obsessed with
the same TV show. Whatever you do, find things that you two can do together
that remind you of each other and each other only. Enjoy exploring life
together and finding a love and passion for (some of) the same things; this
will build a strong foundation for your love and will keep it going.
- Work on finding ways to make your relationship as fresh, exciting, and romantic as possible while also giving each other some breathing room. Remember that you don't have to do everything together to be happy.
- Need two months ago.
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Chapisha Maoni